it quotes from something when it's told, or else it gets the hose again (October 16, 2008)

What are you, about a size 14?

Despite the fact that we at QOTD are basically lovable, swell guys who are known to shower at least bi-weekly, we sometimes have disagreements with our many fans. Sometimes these disagreements can be vehement (e.g. someone says Entourage is funnier than Arrested Development - note, this is only a fictional example. No such person exists.) and sometimes these disagreements can be minor (e.g. someone thinks Joe Don Baker's work in Mitchell is excellent, but I think Joe Don Baker's work in Mitchell makes him the Olivier of our time.).

One example of a major disagreement that comes up surprisingly often in my life is a difference of opinion between the Official Girlfriend of QOTD (OGoQOTD) and me over Silence of the Lambs character Jame Gumb (better known as Buffalo Bill).

This is a true photo of OGoQOTD reacting to my joy while thinking about Mr. Gumb's absurd antics:



Sure, it's true that he's a serial killer. That's generally not cool. And it's also true that he would throw his victims down a well, starve them and then kill them so he could make a skin suit for himself. This is also behavior that is frowned upon by polite society.

However, despite these character flaws, he also has these wonderful traits**:

--tucks his junk between his legs and dances around in a kimono
--has a little yappy dog he calls Precious
--talks in a ludicrously low, creaky voice
--uses some of the most ridiculous lines ever, including his fabulous "lotion in the basket" routine



Suffice it to say, if you can do a passable imitation of the character while saying any of these lines, know that you'll get a huge laugh from the QOTD bureau. (You just might get punched in the throat by OGoQOTD)

"It rubs the lotion on its skin, or else it gets the hose again."

"Don't you hurt my dog!"

"It places the lotion in the basket. PUT THE F---ING LOTION IN THE BASKET!!"

Anyway, alert reader Mike Bufkin sent the following song to our attention. The song is called "Lotion" (hmmm, guess what it's about?), and it's the brilliant work of a Chicago-based band called The Greenskeepers. Amazingly, it appeared in an episode of Grey's Anatomy, which makes us want to take back everything bad we've ever said about that show (even though we've never seen it). It is NOT safe for work. But it is very funny. If you're the sort of person who giggles when Jame Gumb appears on screen, that is.

Amy Winehouse wins multiple Grammy Awards, and this doesn't even get nominated? Conspiracy!!


**QOTD in no way endorses any of Jame Gumb's behaviors in the real world. Although if you want to name your dog Precious and dance around in a kimono, feel free. Just don't invite us to your parties.

quote of the day (September 8, 2008)

Today's quote was requested by alert reader John Basler, and though he sent it in, we didn't need much prodding. Those who have known us for more than about 3 weeks have had the brilliance of Mystery Science Theater 3000's epic version of Mitchell:

Mitchell's theme song: Keep your eyeeeeeee on the sammich!

Mitchell stars often-fine actor Joe Don Baker as a chubby, abrasive, perplexed and alcoholic cop who sleeps with hookers when he's not out assaulting civilians and being a rule-breaker! In fairness, the actual theatrical movie makes more sense than the MST3K version, which cut out 30 minutes of the film (though not MUCH more sense).

In one action-packed scene, Mitchell shoots a civilian on a golf course, for no discernible reason, and Crow (one of the Mystery Science Theater robots that comment on the action, had this to say:

Crow: "Daryl Gates on his day off."
Crow [as Golf Sportscaster]: "He's landed just short of the green."

We could do many more quotes from this fine piece of entertainment, but we'll save those for a rainy day. And by "rainy day", we mean "a day when we can't be bothered to think up anything else". QOTD - it's FANTASTIC!

Instead, we'll leave you with this Mitchell user review by a guy named Xploitedyouth from Internet Movie Database:

"While this film is undeniably bad, one can't help but respect the filmmakers for trying something new. Movie cops are usually strong, resourceful, quick-thinking and quick-acting. They don't usually play by the rules, but they get the job done. They're usually played by attractive, young, popular actors that people like, and usually get the classiest ladies. Now, take a look at MITCHELL. MITCHELL stars Joe Don Baker as Mitchell, a cop who fits none of the above, "cookie-cutter" prerequisite stereotypes. Mitchell is fat. Mitchell is sloppy. He's an alcoholic. His apartment is filthy and littered with porn. The only woman he can get is a prostitute, and he treats her like a lowly dog. Mitchell is stupid. He's incompetant. The only way he gets any crimes solved is purely by accident, and because the villains in the movie overestimate him. Joe Don Baker is not a hot young actor. He's not popular and he's not good looking. So, kudos to the filmmakers! Way to break down barriers."