we're back (but for how long)

If there's one thing you can say about the QOTD Bureau (or, as we're known in some circles, the QOTWWFLI - Quote of Whenever We Feel Like It - Bureau), it's that we NEVER go more than 242 days without updating. NEVER.

So here we are again. Fall is once again upon us. OUR St. Louis Cardinals could become the first baseball team to clinch a playoff spot in the next couple of days. Indiana Hoosiers football is a front-runner for the BCS national title after their impeccable 3-0 start with victories over powerhouses Eastern Kentucky, Western Michigan, and the Akron Zips (on the road!). Next up for the Hoosiers, the Texas State Fightin' Armadillos with cagey veteran quarterback Paul Blake.

Is there literally nothing Sinbad can't do?

As many of our loyal reader(s) know, this has not been a banner year at QOTD Headquarters, for several reasons that we shan't go into now. But one of the constants that's kept us sane are some excellent youtube videos (insert hack joke about how we remember MTV when it played videos here. then make current by inserting Kanye West reference. now proceed.) One of our favorites is an early Rilo Kiley song featuring the very hot Jenny Lewis (we at QOTD love gingers. Um, and brunettes. And blondes. But especially gingers!) called The Frug:



In this song, she refers to being able to do The Freddie. If you're young enough to operate the internets, you probably have never heard of Freddie and the Dreamers. If you have, you might remember their one sizable hit, "I'm Telling You Now." Now watch this video of them performing this song (and the dance The Freddie) and remember to use this as a rebuttal whenever any older-type person tries to argue that today's popular music is ridiculous. (QOTD note: today's popular music is ridiculous. but still.)

Warning: Do not attempt to drink or eat while watching this video. QOTD is not responsible for any choking due to extreme lameness contained within.

And finally, for today's quote, in honor of all the abuse we took during our 8 month hiatus (yes, Jim, we're looking at you), from Season 2 of Flight of the Conchords:

"I make a meal for my friends
Try to make it delicious
Try to keep it nutritious
Create wonderful dishes
Not one of them thinks about the way I feel
Nobody compliments the meal

I got hurt feelings, I got hurt feelings
I feel like a prize a**hole
No one even mentions my casserole
I got hurt feelings, I got hurt feelings"

Maybe we'll be back with more this week. Or maybe you should look for an update around Memorial Day 2010.

This is how we're comin' for the ought-nine! (courtesy: Paperboy "Ditty")

Hmmm. Yes. Gone for a month. We were somewhat tired out from all that mustache-growing, and our typing fingers were tired from twirling our mustache, cackling evilly and tying young maidens to train tracks.

Court-room drawing of how QOTD spent its last month

Anyway, we did promise our readers a picture of our mustache on its last day before it fell victim to a rampaging Gillette Fusion razor (both with and without the rest of the Fidel Castro costume):

Don't hate us because we're beautiful.

Lots going on with the favorite TV shows of QOTD, many of which are coming back this week after long layoffs. Sadly, Arrested Development remains dead, but there have been very positive developments on the production of an AD movie. Good times, even if Michael Cera (George Michael Bluth) is being a bit of a Rude Gus about his involvement in the film.

24
Jack Bauer is back fighting terrorists using his three biggest weapons: torture, the ability to whisper-yell, and the ability to rise from the dead (twice and counting in the season's 6 years). And, spoiler alert, you have a good 3 1/2 months before you have to endure the return of his daughter Kim! What's not to like?

Lost
The island done moved, and Michael finally died last year, meaning we won't have to hear him yell, "WALLLLLLLLLLLLLLT!" any more. Nothing really to add here, except that the return of this show is highly anticipated in the QOTD bureau...

Hey WALLLLLLLLLT! Your dad is deader than a parrot nailed to its perch!

Flight of the Conchords

FotC returns to HBO this Sunday night in the aftermath of the Crazy Dogggz worldwide success and band manager Murray splitting time between the two bands. QOTD obtained an advance copy of the premiere episode (um, along with like everyone else) and can tell our faithful readers that it's a standout - the song "Angels" featured over the end credits is a huge winner.

The Conchords sing "Angels". As a bonus, it's a video that doesn't actually show moving pictures!

Friday Night Lights

Now that both Arrested Development and Pushing Daisies are pushing up their own daisies, Friday Night Lights ranks as the best show on network TV that no one seems to watch. It's a fabulous look at life in a small-town Texas town and its beloved high school football team. The relationship between the coach and his wife is a joy to watch, and it also features the hottest cast on TV. If you're into that sort of thing. FNL returns this Friday night on NBC. Watch it.

If this picture wasn't so small, you could tell we weren't lying about that "hottest cast on TV" thing. Alas.

And finally, a plug for an internet-only TV show from Joss Whedon, the creator of Buffy the Vampire Slayer and Firefly.

Dr. Horrible's Sing-Along Blog

This was a three-episode show put together during the writers' strike, and is a musical following the travails of wannabe-supervillain Dr. Horrible (Neil Patrick Harris) as he battles smug do-gooder Captain Hammer (Nathan Fillion) in order to gain access to the Evil League of Evil, ruled by Bad Horse, the Thoroughbred of Sin. It's all quite silly, but it has its dramatic moments, and the songs will grow on you till you're singing them all day long. Or that could just be us. Anyway, credit to QOTD Sargeant-at-Arms Javad Khazaeli for sending this our way. We can't recommend it enough. We could embed the video from Hulu, but it'd be too small and crappy to enjoy, so just go to this link to watch it for yourself: Dr. Horrible's Sing-Along Blog on Hulu

For today's long-awaited (ahem) quote of the day, we'll go with the letter Bad Horse sends Dr. Horrible upon his application for entry to the Evil League of Evil:

"Bad Horse, Bad Horse
Bad Horse, Bad Horse
He rides across the nation, the thoroughbred of sin
He got the application that you just sent in
It needs evaluation, so let the games begin
A heinous crime, a show of force
(a murder would be nice of course)

Bad Horse, Bad Horse
Bad Horse, he’s bad
The Evil league of Evil is watching so beware
The grade that you receive’ll be your last, we swear
So make the bad horse gleeful, or he’ll make you his mare
You’re saddled up; there’s no recourse
It’s “hi-ho, silver!”
Signed, Bad Horse."

quote of the day (October 30, 2008)

Okay - so it's been more than a week. And we have lots to report on. The election is coming up. Another Mustaches for Kids drive is only 2 weeks away! The OGoQOTD became the OFoQOTD (Official Fiance of QOTD) when she put the One Ring on her finger in San Francisco. Luckily she has absolutely nothing in common with Frodo (other than the fact that Frodo hung out with one of The Goonies and The Goonies is the OFoQOTD's favorite movie). But she still chose to disregard this sensible piece of advice from QOTD's boys, The Flight of the Conchords:



Speaking of Flight of the Conchords, whenever we get angry, we like to angry dance like Bret. But honestly, as funny as that scene was, it's no funnier than Kevin Bacon's original serious angry dance from Footloose:

Nothing gets me wanting to angry dance more than John Lithgow.

So, in honor of all of the above, from Flight of the Conchords, which ties it all together, even Murray the Mustache (since mustached men tend to have more threesomes than the general population - it's a fact. Just ask John Hodgman!):

Jemaine: You don't even know anything about threesomes.
Bret: Have you ever had a threesome?
Jemaine: Nearly.
Bret: What do you mean, nearly?
Jemaine: I've had a twosome.
Bret: Wow. What was that like?
Jemaine: Great. I've done it several times, man.
Bret: Just one of you here... and then one.. Oh well then, I've had a twosome!

quote of the day (September 24, 2008)

The QOTD is a non-partisan organization. We will not take a public stand on anything political, unless we're quoting Mayors Quimby or McCheese. An example of just how non-partisan we are: the next time one of you knuckleheads "wittily" suggest that you are moving to a foreign country if your presidential candidate loses, you can expect to be wittily kicked in the junk (guys: testicles. gals: ovaries).

My friend? My friend? You've been kicked in the nuts.

In fact, if you're so anxious to leave, the QOTD Bureau will happily help your drama-queen ass pack up your belongings. Don't get us wrong - we love traveling and living abroad. This is not to denigrate our wonderful international readers, most of whom have accidentally found this website while searching for "Burt Reynolds big hat funny" (ed: other than the blog title, this is the most-common google search that leads people to this site. true story!). But to everyone that thinks it's some kind of threat when they talk about moving overseas, trust us. We probably won't miss you. (ed note #2: clearly we're not referring to you. You are both riotously funny AND stunningly good-looking. But seriously. Enough with the moving business.)

On a happier political note, when alert reader Mike Bufkin pointed out that NBC News' political expert Chuck Todd is a dead ringer for this blog's namesake, Murray Hewitt(Rhys Darby), band manager for Flight of the Conchords, we were stunned that we hadn't already made the connection:

Murray: Hey, Gingerballs? What, are you going to the dick meeting? Chuck: Present.

It would be so great to have Murray at the NBC news-desk talking about how for McCain to win Florida, he'd need a 90-10 fliparound. Or telling David Gregory that if Obama wanted to improve his polling with working class white voters, he should just grow a goatee.

Or Chuck Todd could manage the Conchords and show powerpoint pie charts about their fanbase's song requests.

The possibilities are endless. But our energy is not. So we're going to leave you with a video quote where Murray gets to sing his own song about his lovely tech-support woman:

quote of the day (September 17, 2008)

Sorry for our consistent inconsistency. We've been traveling a lot and waylaid by work (egad!). Sadly, we're off again to Dallas tomorrow, which means that we're going to miss Opening Day for QOTD's own bowling team. As all of you already know, Sundays are for bowling, but for those of us on Business Time, we add Thursday to the mix. In honor of the team:

Conditions are perfect for bowling. And beer.

Anyway, as a random study, given QOTD's start as a mustache chronicle and our impending bowling season, we checked out the PBA bowling homepage (sponsored by Denny's, possibly the greatest match between title sponsor and league of all time) to have a look at the roster of professional bowlers. Out of a possible 58 pictured, only 6 sported a stand-alone 'stache (a hit rate of only 7%). That was mind-blowing to me, I would've bet on at least 25%. In fairness, there were some unfortunate goatees and some very strange looking gentlemen. It's a shame that St. Louis' own Pete Weber changed this sexy look:



Oh well. Essentially all of this was just to say that we're sad we're going to miss opening night. So there you go. On topic, today's quote, from The Big Lebowski, when Maude Lebowski (Julianne Moore) asks The Dude (Jeff Bridges) what he does for recreation:

"Oh, the usual. I bowl. Drive around. The occasional acid flashback."

And, in a youtube clip I initially saw on The Squirrel Slayer, a combination of Wii bowling and The Big Lebowski. Amazingly awesome, but the language is definitely unfriendly for work:



Go Business Time.

quote of the day (September 4, 2008)

Two days in a row!! Look out, world!

Denim. It's not just for never-nudes.

Anyway, we realized it's been over two months since we brought you our last Flight of the Conchords quote. And given their recent announcement that their upcoming 10-episode season on HBO will be the end of the show, this seems like as good an excuse as we need to bring you another one.

From one of their live shows, introducing their hip-hop sensation "Hiphopapotamus vs. Rhymenocerous":

"We're Flight of the Conchords, from New Zealand. I dunno if you guys know much about New Zealand, but, uh, a few years ago we invented something we call hip-hop. In 2001. Do you remember when we invented hip-hop that day, with Steve? At the barbecue?"

Band manager Murray (the inspiration for the blog name!) lectures the Conchords about the dangers of New York City after dark...

quote of the day (June 24, 2008)

There has been a general pall over QOTD headquarters in the last couple of days. One of our QOTD fleet cars was broken into on Friday, and the perpetrator stole several items of value, including our Secret Quote Vault™. (don't ask why we would carry anything so valuable around in a fleet vehicle)

Anyway, the combination of our malaise and our missing quote vault led to our skipping yesterday's quote. We offer a heartfelt apology to our reader.

Whenever in a funk, instead of angry dancing, we prefer to turn to the gentle wisdom of Flight of the Conchords, New Zealand's fourth most-popular guitar-based digi-bongo acapella-rap-funk-comedy folk duo, to cheer us up.

Gingerballs? Present.

Today's quote, from their song "Cheer Up, Murray" makes even more sense, considering FotC band manager Murray is the inspiration for this blog's original name. Prepare your spirits for lifting:

"So people don't return your calls
They don't return your calls
And people will call you Gingerballs
They'll call you Gingerballs
Those people don't know what they see
They just see Gingerballs
Gingerballs

Cheer up, Murray
It's time to forget
Your wife met someone on the 'Net
Let's go and get an ice cream

Cheer up, Murray
Though nothing goes your way
It's the same every day
Well, tomorrow is another day"

And, for good measure, the song in total:

the motherflippin' quote of the day (April 30)

Since we here at QOTD bureau have been enjoying our new Flight of the Conchords album (even if it does skip the Crazy Dogggz hit, "Doggy Bounce"), we'll go back to them for today's quote:

"Other rappers diss me
Say my rhymes are sissy
Why? Why? Why? Why?
Be more constructive with your feedback, please"

--Flight of the Conchords, with "Hiphopapotamus vs. Rhymenocerous (featuring the Hiphopapotamus and the Rhymenocerous)"

Quote of the Day (April 22, 2008)

On day 2 of our return to the wild world of quotations, we're going to stick with our favorites. With Arrested Development checked off the list, we're on to our favorite New Zealanders, Flight of the Conchords. Their first full-length album, cleverly titled Flight of the Conchords, debuts today.

From their pilot episode on HBO, they show that sissy James Blunt how to write a real love song:

"Looking round the room,
I can tell that you
Are the most beautiful girl in the...room.
In the whole wide room

And when you're on the street
Depending on the street
I bet you are definitely in the top three
Good looking girls on the street
Depending on the street"

--Flight of the Conchords, singing "Most Beautiful Girl (in the Room)"

You Were Saying Something about 'Best Intentions'? Ohhh, you were finished! Well, then allow me to retort! (FAQ)

Many people have asked me questions about the Mustaches for Kids process and my feelings about the growing process. Now that this blog is up to dozens of readers, I figured I might as well address a couple of those questions. In honor of Murray, the inspiration for my mustache, we'll do it like a band meeting.

Item 1: Roll Call. Murray? Present.

Item 2: Have you ever grown facial hair before? No. This is the first time I've ever gone without shaving for longer than 2 days. I've always wanted to grow a hockey playoff beard, but sadly, I don't play hockey, as I can't skate backwards or stop without running into the boards. I'd have a real problem staying onsides.

Item 3: Why Mustaches? Are mustaches really that embarrassing? (usually asked by someone who has a fully-formed adult mustache) I think it's less about embarrassment over growing a mustache than the process of growing the mustache, slowly, when people are used to seeing you without. And there's the fact that it looks like an anorexic porcupine has climbed on my face to rest. But your mustache looks awesome! Seriously! Unless Charlotte's own Adam Morrison is reading this, in which case, sorry guy.

Item 4: Let's skip item 4 and post a clip from the film that made Joe Don Baker a household name - 1975's bad cop epic, "Mitchell". Yes, let's.



Wasn't that awesome? Yes. But it would've been even more badass if he'd had a mustache. Although that 'stache would've acted as a strainer for an awful lot of Schlitz.

Item 5: The real most-frequently asked question I get. How is Julie holding up after 3 weeks of you with a mustache? Well, I'll let her answer.

JULIE: I hear you all keep asking Chris "how I'm holding up" now that I am dating a mustachioed man. You may be worried that we could go on a break any minute due to the overgrowth of hair in the upper lip region of his face. But fear not, dear friends. I am a positive thinker. Check out the top 5 reasons I LOVE the stache!

Julie's Top 5 List

5. Stache sponsored parties.
4. People's pity = free drinks
3. I don't have to worry about getting carded - people think he is my dad.
2. To show support, I have not shaved my legs for 20 days
And #1 (drum roll please....)
1. Free exfoliation!

Julie and I during a less hirsute, happier time.

=====================================================
So there you have it...hope to see everyone in Charlotte at George Herman's tomorrow night (THURSDAY)!

Murray? Present.

This is Rhys Darby. He has a mustache. Sometimes.

He plays Murray from Flight of the Conchords, the inspiration for my mustache name. Here's what I'll tell people when they make fun of my mustache and they don't make a donation. (clip is NSFW)