Thursday, February 11, 2010

Real new post below, but this is too good...

Coming from Mark Doll, an official uncle of the QOTD Bureau, we present this, without comment, from the great Dolph Lundgren, aka "Sweden's Hugh Jackman" (you can start watching at the 0:55 mark if you'd like. You won't miss anything, unless you speak Swedish):

Alright, now that you've had your day made, continue on down to the post below.

Stache! 'Stache, I love you - but we only have 14 hours to save the earth!

This song is both the inspiration for this post's title, and video of Freddie Mercury's awe-inspiring mustache at the peak of its ability to inspire awe.

We're down to the last 24 hours of this year's mustache adventures, and I've spent the last week ill. I'm fairly sure this is a Tobias Funke graft-versus-host situation. My immune system has been rejecting my mustache. Or my mustache has been holding in the germs. Either way, it's been even more unpleasant than usual over the last week.

Tomorrow night (Friday night, February 12, that is. With hundreds, er, dozens, er high single digits of you reading this blog every day, it's tough to know when you're logging on) is the 'Stache Bash, the big finale party being held at Madison's/the Attic in uptown Charlotte. As part of the festivities, the mustached men get into costume to be paraded in front of local news personalities to judged on quality of 'stache and quality of costume. It's like a Mr. Mustached Charlotte pageant, but I get awarded no points for my talent of doing a Michael McDonald impersonation. Alas. And my GVH affliction has left a little short on the costume front, too. But rather than get too angry about my situation, I choose to make like the aforementioned Mike McD and get smoooooth:

Yacht Rock - it's all-out smooooooth...

If you can join us for the big party, come on out. If you can't, but want to show just how smooth you are, throw some money the kids' way before the Mustache month ends.

For a final push, we're going to quote our own blog (hooray for laziness! And chutzpah!) from the day of the November 2008 'Stache Bash, and our take on Isaac Hayes' classic Shaft:

Who's the pasty white guy
who's a sex machine to all the chicks?
You're damn right...

Who is the man
Who would risk his upper lip for his brother man?
Can ya dig it?

Who's the cat who won't cop out
When there's ridicule all about?
Right on

You see, this cat 'Stache is a hairy mutha...
Shut yo' mouth!
But I'm talkin' 'bout 'Stache!
Then we can dig it!

He's a complicated man
But no one understands him like his woman...
'Stache Bash!

a photo from last year's 'Stache Bash, when I went as everyone's favorite Cuban dictator...

Monday, February 8, 2010

A not-safe-for-work video moment

This video is very funny. But don't watch this at work, unless you have a really awesome work environment. Don't say you weren't warned.

Link to an awesome mustache-related video

The video description: The AMI calls beards "The Spousal Compromise" because they assume wimpiness is the only reason a mustache wearer would include a beard on his face. Way to make an ass out of u and me.

Saturday, January 30, 2010

Lighting the Traditional Mustache Candle

We here at the QOTD Bureau/Mustache Central strive to be all-inclusive, for people of all races, nationalities and faiths. (and people searching google for "Burt Reynolds big hat funny") That's how we've ended up with visitors from 28 countries in the past month (including 2 visitors from Iran and Denmark - we're HUGE there).

But today we're going to reach into our Catholic background to discuss the similarities of the Advent season to the Mustaches for Kids mustache-growing season. For those who don't know, or slept through their Catholic grade school religion classes, Advent is essentially the four-week preparation for the coming of Christmas. Mustache-growing season is essentially a four-week preparation for the removal of my dilapidated mustache.

Many people use traditional Advent calendars to count down until the big day. And most of the growers are counting down the days until we can shave again (13!).

One of the most common Advent traditions is the Advent wreath:

This wreath contains three purple candles and one pink one. The purple candles represent the 1st, 2nd and 4th Sundays in Advent, and the pink represents the third
Sunday, also known as Gaudete Sunday (meaning "rejoice"). The lighting of the pink candle means that the Advent preparations are more than half over, and Christmas is coming soon. Drawing on this powerful tradition, we here at the QOTD bureau have come up with what we're now calling the Traditional Mustache Wreath.

Behold, the power of Powerpoint + Microsoft Photo Editor - take that, James Cameron!

As you can see, we've made it to week 3, or John Cleese Week. Lighting the traditional Basil Fawlty candle was a major step for us - it means that we're over halfway through growing season - and that Julie, the Official Wife of QOTD will soon be able to be seen with me in public without cringing! Maybe.

In honor of Mr. Cleese, a scene from the great Fawlty Towers where Basil waits on a table of Germans after suffering a head injury:

In other news, at Mustache Checkpoint #2 on Thursday night, I wore my standard costume and was voted the best lookalike for Coach Mike Ditka. It was inevitable when I wore those excellent sunglasses (and started berating bystanders).

Quick fundraising update: We've now raised well over $25,000 as a group, and thanks to all the generous donors, I've raised $942 and counting. If you'd like to donate, visit My Mustaches for Kids Donation Page.

Today's quote is from a 1991 Saturday Night Live sketch, where The Superfans from Chicago discuss some hypothetical athletic contests:

Bob Swerski (George Wendt): "If I may shift gears for a moment gentleman, coach Ditka vs. a hurricane, who would win?"

Todd (Chris Farley), Pat (Mike Myers), Carl (Rob Smigel): "Ditka, Ditka!!"

Bob: "Hold on, Hold on, Hold on. The name of the hurricane is Hurricane Ditka."

Wednesday, January 27, 2010

Mustaches on Parade!

We're now almost 2 weeks into the invasion of charitable mustaches all over Charlotte, and as a group, we've raised an amazing $21,000 already. I believe I speak for all of my fellow growers when I thank everyone sincerely for donating as it makes all the dubious glances and shaking heads worthwhile.

So for the donation honor roll as of 1/27 at 1:45pm eastern time:
Bruce Affleck, John Borgmeyer, Sierra Cook, Carolyn Cox, Julie Doll, Katie Doll, Kevin Doll, Kurt Doll, Javad Khazaeli, Kim Ochal, Robin Rankin, Christina Spatz and Mariann Witkowski. Thanks for everyone's generosity - my mustache (updated pic coming tomorrow) has now raised $797. Pretty amazing for something I can't even bear to look at in the mirror. To add your name to this illustrious list of heroic individuals, jump to My Donation Page and make a contribution. The kids appreciate it!

In other mustache-related news, QOTD Friend/Fellow Mustache Grower Mike Bufkin has a must-see update to his Wispy Tickler blog. Since we have dozens (literally, two dozens) of average visitors here, we need to drive up his visitor count. Go there now to read it. We'll wait. For you fast readers, here's something to look at while you're waiting for all those slow, hooked on monkey phonics readers to finish up:

Okay, glad that we're all back now. As you might guess, after three years of blogging about mustache-related jokes/references, we're running out of new material. For some reason, while NOT sleeping last night and trying to come up with other pop-culture mustache references, I remembered the great Bullwinkle Show, one of the original cartoons that aimed many of its jokes over the heads of its child viewers, making it a forerunner of later animations like The Simpsons, Shrek and Barney. Despite its comedic brilliance, The Bullwinkle Show was also a forerunner in stigmatizing the proud and dignified mustache. The show regularly ran segments like Rocky and Bullwinkle cartoons (featuring mustachioed villain Boris Badenov), Dudley Do-Right (featuring mustachioed villain Snidely Whiplash), and also Peabody's Improbable History. This segment featured the genius dog Peabody and his pet boy Sherman going back through time to learn about various historical events. And at the end of every episode, there is a messy parade left to be cleaned up by whom? Yes, a hapless janitor with a mustache who appears to reside in his trash can, like Oscar the Grouch. Luckily, he eventually moved out of his trash can and onto stardom in Mythbusters:

Proving that mustached men can rise to great things from humble beginnings!

In my valiant attempt to fix these historical prejudices against the mustache, I realized that it's not enough to send emails with awe-inspiring photos like this one from a M4K event in 11/2008:

See this outfit recreated tonight at the Common House - I didn't spend $5 on it at the Salvation Army NOT to wear it every year!

No - pictures and blog posts are clearly not enough to face back this rising tide. I need to take this show on the road! Next week, my 'stache will take its first ever road trip - heading to St. Louis, home of the American Mustache Institute, the St. Louis Cardinals, who grew mustaches as a team last season, and the Gateway Arch, the world's largest mustache. So St. Louisans, ice down some Busch Light and get ready for some good times. More to come.

To close for today, we'll tie up our earlier conversation about Rocky and Bullwinkle with last week's conversation about our favorite low-rated tv shows. Apparently The Bullwinkle Show had some of the same issues:

Rocky: Bullwinkle, do you know what an A-Bomb is?
Bullwinkle: Sure, a bomb is what some people call our show.
Rocky: I don't think that's very funny.
Bullwinkle: Neither do they apparently.

Sunday, January 17, 2010

Out of hiding! (only 19 days to go!)

We're 10 days into 2010 Mustache Season, and the mustache has recently come out of Hibernation - we spent the first 6 days growing a full, Billy Mays-style (R.I.P.) playoff beard for our floor hockey playoffs. As one of the less-skilled players in a league where fighting is frowned upon, I had to do something special to pull my weight. I've been relegated to playing floor hockey because of my very substandard skating ability. I can't turn and I can't skate backwards, but I can go forward at a high-rate of speed until stopped by the boards or someone getting in my way. (This would make me an excellent forechecker--very persistent, but fairly ineffective. So floor hockey it is.)

So yes, putting on the foil is much less effective when you can't go all Hanson brothers in the floor hockey league (not THESE Hanson brothers. THOSE Hanson brothers) Our team, inspired by my beard, went on to buck the odds and win Lord Stanley's Cup. Which, in this case, means crappy black t-shirts.

Tastes like adult intramural victory.

But after that big victory and the ensuing celebratory parade (me walking through my garage), we eliminated the Billy Mays and are now looking much more like Adam Morrison.

Perhaps if this picture hadn't been taken 3 minutes after I'd gotten out of bed, we would look more alike.

Now HERE's two handsome guys that look alike!

In honor of the late great Billy Mays, we have a pitch for you, dear reader. Our mustache growing benefits projects in underfunded public schools - and if you'd like to support our shady-looking semi-'stache, you can go to My Mustache Giving Page to doante. Everything is tax-deductible and every little bit helps.

Now we'll leave you with a couple of classy youtube links. First, alert reader (and Official QOTD uncle) Mark Doll sent along this link of the 100 cheesiest movie quotes. It's definitely worth a watch, even though we're aghast at the inclusion of both Samuel L. Jackson's Snakes on a Plane quote and Rowdy Roddy Piper's classic "I have come here to chew bubblegum and kick ass... and I'm all out of bubblegum" quote from They Live.

They did not have anything from Gymkata, an old QOTD favorite, so we'll again link to the best scene in this movie, and potentially in cinematic history. No explanation necessary, but viewing is required:

Thanks to everyone for reading and donating. And as always, if you find yourself in trouble, head straight for the village pommel horse!

Thursday, January 14, 2010

Tired Ground

So here we are again. Writing can be a lonely business, and it can be very difficult to come up with fresh material. Every writer has their fallback topic. Dave Barry has his booger jokes, James Cameron has his stilted dialogue and third-grade-level plots covered up by amazing technology-driven effects and William Forrester has his you’re the man, now, dogs. Well, we here at QOTD/Mustache Central have two main topics that seem to be the focus of most of our posts.

George Lucas can't believe James Cameron's stealing his thunder...

First, there is the fact that we almost never update this thing, causing riots outside the QOTD bureau like Lane Kiffin’s departure from Tennessee. Second, that every year, we are involved in Mustaches for Kids – Charlotte, a sacrificial donation of upper-lip real estate to the cause of helping fund projects in schools around Charlotte. Luckily, since we haven’t posted anything since late September and today marks Shaving Day, the first day of 2010 Mustaches for Kids, we can lean on both of our fallback topics. Reader-unfriendly repetition 1, Creativity 0.

So it’s Mustache season again, when we make like a 70’s cop (minus the authoritah) and raise money for DonorsChoose. It’s a great organization, but we’re not super-excited to be sporting our juvenile delinquent-looking mustaches around town for the next few weeks.

We are excited for you to donate money to our fine cause, but we’ll save the pitch for a later date, when we’ve proven that we’ll actually update this blog every once in a while. Since we’re not thrilled about our future ‘staches, we’ll move on to a list of things we ARE excitable boys about here at the QOTD Bureau.

Excitable blog, they all said!

1. NBC looking like colossal idiots over this late night stuff. They really couldn’t have handled this any worse. Jay Leno is also looking like a backstabbing SOB (as well as the painfully unfunny hack he always looks like) by throwing Conan under the bus to get his old, lame show back.

2. Muse. Like everything else, we were late to this party, but have been listening to the last two albums quite a bit. Have also enjoyed watching their concert clips – and watching them live when they opened for U2 in October. They're truly excellent live, and also happen to have some of the most ridiculous lyrics of all time – as if the text from a crazy conspiracy theorist website was set to the music from Queen's "A Night at the Opera", but they’re awfully fun to listen to.
This is either one of the hardest songs in Guitar Hero history, or the drug-addled ravings of the guy under the overpass. You decide.

3. Talking about the past.

4. Better Off Ted – alongside Modern Family, the best comedy on TV, and yet no one seems to watch it. Unfortunately, QOTD’s comedy approval is often the kiss of death, as we’re on-board with the kind of quirky humor that doesn’t fly with the masses (ahem, Jay Leno fans). Ted could be joining QOTD faves Arrested Development, Pushing Daisies, and Andy Barker, P.I., as comedies that were great but never caught on with a wider audience.
This is how we here at QOTD feel about you, our loyal and loved reader.

5. Our fighting Charlotte Bobcats. 14-4 at home. We will focus on the positive and not mention their record away from Charlotte.

6. The QOTD Bureau's new snuggie. While it's not may not be as life-changing as The Wearable Towel, it's been pretty handy around the house with the freezing temperatures.

7. Clearly, we're already reaching, so we're going to leave #7 blank.

8. That's it. We don't want to use all of our material on our first post - so we'll be back soon with more mustachey goodness. As always, pictures will be added as the sketchiness grows. So onto the first quote of the day for 2010:

From last night's monologue on The Tonight Show:

“And I just want to say to the kids out there watching: You can do anything you want in life. Unless Jay Leno wants to do it, too." --Conan O'Brien