Friday, May 16, 2008

quote of the day (May 16, 2008)

Well, since we've done such a bad job of keeping this updated during our half-week of vacation, how about a few of Norm MacDonald's best on Saturday Night Live's "Weekend Update":

"Under a new law passed by the State Assembly, effective next year, Michigan will set aside an allotment of hunting licenses for blind people. This after years of relentless lobbying by deer."

"Against the Jets last week, Buffalo Bills running back Thurman Thomas broke O.J. Simpson's career rushing record. And, the week before, he surpassed Simpson in career touchdowns. Next up for Thomas: an attempt to kill 3 people at once."

"A recent study shows the number of sexually active teenagers is leveling off at 53%. And another study shows the number of teenagers who tell their friends that they're sexually active is holding steady at 100%."

And, finally, I hope Fed Chairman Ben Bernanke pays attention to this dire warning, from a "Weekend Update" in November 1996:

"In economic news, unemployment figures rose slightly for the month of October, with declines in the Dow Jones and NASDAQ. The reason for the sudden downturn? You guessed it - Frank Stallone."

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