Wednesday, May 21, 2008

quote of the day (May 21, 2008)

In our week of bad movies, we would be remiss if we didn't address two of our favorites - the kind of movies that people pretend to hate, but watch every time they show up on Comedy Central or HBO (No, we're not talking about Rising Sun, Bufkin.)

First, Not Another Teen Movie, which mashes together jokes from just about every teen movie you can think of, from Breakfast Club to Varsity Blues. This quote refers to the standard teen-movie practice of the dubious way they make the lead actresses unattractive before their makeovers (ahem, She's All That):

"No, no, no, no, anyone but her! Not... Janie Briggs! Guys, she's got glasses and a ponytail! Aw, look at that, she's got paint on her overalls, what is that? Guys, there's no way she could be prom queen!"
--Jake Wyler (Chris Evans), referring to the obviously gorgeous Janey Briggs (Chyler Leigh)

Janey Briggs, pre and post-makeover. Which one could be prom queen?


And, second, EuroTrip. Really, this quote could be any of the lyrics from Lustra's "Scottie Doesn't Know" (nicely lipsynched in the movie by a tattooed/pierced Matt Damon). But we'll go a different direction, with a quote that hit a little too close to home for those of us who have experienced the luxury of Europe's youth hostels:

"Hello, and welcome to Amsterdam's finest and most luxurious youth hostel. We feature one medium sized room containing 70 beds which can sleep up to 375 bodies a night. There is no bathroom. Nor is there one nearby. If you do not wish to have your valuables stolen I suggest destroying them or discarding them right now. You can also try hiding your valuables. In your anus. This will deter some but of course not all thieves. Once you are inside, the doors are chained and locked from the outside. They will not be opened again until morning, no matter what. Should a fire occur due to our faulty wiring or, uh, the fireworks factory upstairs you will be incinerated along with the valuables that you have hidden in your anus. Tips are greatly appreciated." --Hostel desk clerk (Joanna Lumley), welcoming visitors

Scottie's gotta go.

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