quote of the day (May 20, 2008)

Since we featured R. Kelly's "Trapped in the Closet" yesterday, we thought we'd move onto other films that are so awful that they are fun. In this case, these awful films brought out the best in their movie reviewers - here are some great review quotes for some terrible movies, all courtesy of

Ed Wood says, "I don't know what these guys are talking about! I think these movies are fabulous!"

"Why have a plot, characters, dialogue? Maybe the sequel will be called Simplistic: Bullets vs. Humans." --David Hunter, Hollywood Reporter, in his review for Ballistic: Ecks vs. Sever (0% positive on the tomato-meter)

"Rarely has a movie that doesn't star Madonna achieved such a skin-crawling mixture of deluded preening and bungled humour." --Liam Lacey, Globe and Mail, in his review for Ben Affleck/Jennifer Lopez stinkbomb Gigli (6% positive on the tomato-meter, one assumes for the fact that Christopher Walken appears in the movie)

"It's a thin, tedious caper only notable for its impressive Outback locations and a cameo from Christopher Walken that proves the word 'no' isn't in his vocabulary."
--Neil Smith, BBC, reviewing Kangaroo Jack (8% positive on the tomato-meter, again probably only for the Walken appearance)

"I would like to tell you this gross-out-on-camera is every bit as bad as its title implies, but that would not be entirely true. It is much, much worse."
--Rex Reed, New York Observer, reviewing vapid mannequin Paris Hilton in The Hottie & the Nottie, (5% positive on the tomato-meter, despite the absence of Christopher Walken)

and finally...
"Makes his previous effort, Delta Farce, seem a classic by comparison."
--Frank Scheck, Hollywood Reporter, reviewing aggressively unfunny Larry the Cable Guy's Witless Protection, (0% positive on the tomato-meter, because Christopher Walken's phone wasn't working that week)

I've got a fever! And the only prescription is a cameo role where I get paid upfront, in cash!